【旧闻】蛋疼的ATC系列【大型翻译开坑】
原文出处：
| 网页链接
1 垂直降落-------------------------------------------------------------------a lesson in making assumptions..
I overheard this amusing exchange while waiting for passengers to board my island-hopper, July 2010, Penzance field, UK..
Visiting light aircraft (in a posh English accent): "Penzance tower, Cessna Light G123 request approach instruction and landing?"
Penzance tower (in a broad Scottish accent): "G123, Penzance tower welcome to my airspace, sadly we are not accepting your class, divert on heading and contact approach on Lands End."
Visiting light aircraft: "Penzance tower, negative, request approach instructions, my landing approved earlier, I'm with my partner and will be landing for the day."
Penzance tower, "G123, that is still a negative. Penzance field is a heliport. I strongly suggest diverting to Lands End airfield."
Visiting Aircraft, "Penzance tower, please confirm heading to Lands End.."
(The above story is a lesson in making wrong assumptions - especially where an immovable obstacle is misinterpreted to be movable - in this case producing acute embarrassment as the stance was motivated by a wish to impress a girlfriend. For a similar lesson about wrong assumptions and immovable obstacles see the very funny naval stand-off story in the stories section.)
G123：彭赞斯塔台，塞斯纳G123轻型请求近进引导及着陆？
彭赞斯塔台：抱歉，不接受你的飞机类别，强烈建议联系兰茨恩德机场。
G123：（我就是想落…）
彭赞斯塔台：我们是直升机机场。（你能垂直降落的话就落吧）
G123：...请确认向兰茨恩德的航向。
2 垂直起飞------------------------------------------------------------------
From Dave (Mar 2010):
I was told this story by an air traffic controller from his time at a joint military/civilian airport. An F-4 (USAAF fighter jet) pilot requested clearance to take off, but due to the amount of civilian traffic the ATC told him he'd have to hold. After a repeated impatient request by the F-4 to take-off the ATC suggested that if the pilot could reach 14,000ft within half the runway length he could take off; otherwise he would have to hold. To the ATC's surprise the F-4 pilot acknowledged the tower and began to roll. At the halfway mark the F-4 went vertically up until he reached 14,000ft, then levelled off. The ATC had no option than to hand the pilot over to departures and wish him a nice day, since he'd met the conditions laid down. The ATC said it was the darndest thing he ever saw.
在一个军民合用机场，某煤军F-4战机飞行员反复问ATC要起飞许可，烦不胜烦的ATC说：
你丫要能在半个跑道的距离内起飞并上高到14,000英尺就起飞吧！
F-4飞行员爽快地从跑道上加速，抬轮…
然后垂直爬升到了14,000英尺，改平。
3 机智的机长-----------------------------------------------------------------
From L Miller (Jan 2010):
A British Airways 737 touched down at Frankfurt-am-Main. The tower controller, obviously in frivolous mood, transmitted: "Speedbird 123. Nice landing Captain, But a little left of the centre-line, I think." Quick as a flash, the BA Captain replied in a cool English accent: "Roger Frankfurt Tower. Perfectly correct. I am a little to the left of the centre-line. And my co-pilot is a little to the right of it."
一架英航737在美因河畔法兰克福一跑道着陆。
无聊的塔台ATC：落得不错，机长——除了有向左偏出中心线。
机智英航机长立即回敬道：说得没错，我是在中心线偏左，而我的副驾驶在中心线偏右。
4 淡定的机长-----------------------------------------------------------------
A KingAir had just rotated (lifted-off the runway) at take-off when there was an enormous bang and the starboard engine burst into flames. After stamping on the rudder to sort out the asymmetric thrust, trying to feather the propeller and going through the engine fire drills with considerable calmness and aplomb, the stress took its toll on the Captain... He transmitted to the tower in a level friendly voice: "Ladies and gentleman. There is no problem at all but we're just going to land for a nice cup of tea." He then switched to cabin intercom and screamed at the passengers: "Mayday. Mayday. Mayday. Engine fire. Prop won't feather. If I can't hold this asymmetric we're going in. Emergency landing. Get the crash crew out." The aircraft landed safely with the passengers' hair standing on end.
一架国王航空的飞机刚刚抬轮，一个引擎发出巨响并起火。
机长稳住了飞机，然后——
对'ATC'淡定地说：
女士们先生们，不用担心，我们只是临时降落一下去喝杯茶。
然后对'乘客'吼道：
MaydayMaydayMayday，引擎起火，无法顺桨！我们要紧急着陆，需要消防车救护车！
飞机安全降落，但乘客们要求机长赔裤子。
5 闲的蛋疼的机长--------------------------------------------------------------
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
飞机在地面排队中。
某飞：我已经闲得蛋疼了…
ATC：刚才乱说话那个，请确认你的身份！
某飞：我还没那么愚蠢~
6 闲的蛋疼的机长们------------------------------------------------------------
From Stewart (Mar 2010):
Due to take off from JFK New York one morning in our Qantas 707 we were about eighth of fifteen aircraft in line. From one of the aircraft, presumably experiencing a slight problem, a voice over the radio said, "Fuck!"
JFK Air Traffic Control (angrily demanding to know): "Who said fuck?"
First aircraft in the line (gave callsign): "I did not say FUCK."
Quickly followed by the second in line (gave callsign): "I did not say FUCK."
Then the third, and then all of us, one by one, giving the same "I did not say FUCK" reply.
无线电频率上传来一个声音：卧槽!!!（或许因为出了点小状况）
JFK机场ATC：谁在频率上爆粗口？！？！
班机1：（呼号），不是我干的。
班机2：（呼号），不是我干的。
...
班机15：（呼号），不是我干的。
…
7 能见度去哪儿了--------------------------------------------------------------
From Hal (19 Apr 2011):
When instructing (as a young lieutenant in the US Navy in 1967) at NAS Beeville, Texas, we were tasked to add three night bombing flights to the air-to-ground syllabus, which had previously been day only. l took the first flight of four out the target that was located about 80 miles away from Beeville between Alice and Laredo. On arrival, we found the target completely obscured in fog and had to return home. Our ops officer decided that we needed to provide simple weather observation training to the range people, so a wx guy [weather specialist - wx is morse code for weather] drove down and gave the crew a two or three hour short course on how to report the weather. Th next time I had a flight there, I called the range up and asked them what the weather was. The range guy says, "Sir, the weather is clear, visibility 1/16 of a mile." I couldn't figure out what that meant, so I asked him what was the restriction to visibility. He replied, "Why, sir, it is dark…"
煤军飞行员做夜间对地攻击训练，并询问靶场那边的天气。
靶场：夜空晴朗，能见度十六分之一英里。
飞行员瞬间凌乱了，于是问能见度为何那么低。
靶场：因为太黑了，看不清。
8 飞行员去哪儿了--------------------------------------------------------------
From Jim (Aug 2010):
In 1978 I was a trainee Air Traffic Controller under supervision at Collage Station Texas, Easterwood Tower. This is a true story of a radio discussion one afternoon:
Unknown Aircraft: "Hello?.."
Easterwood Tower (me): "Please say again."
UA: "What?"
ET: "Who is this?"
UA: "This is Joe"
ET: "This is Easterwood Tower, where are you?"
UA: "I'm in the plane!"
(I looked down the flight line, checking if someone was sitting in a parked plane playing with the radio. I didn't see anything, and the senior controller was becoming more interested in my handling of the situation.)
ET: "Joe, where is the pilot?"
UA: "He got out when the engine quit.."
(I could only imagine a bizarre scenario in which the pilot had jumped from the plane.)
ET: "Joe, what does your airspeed indicator read?"
UA: (Long pause) "Zero?"
(So the plane was now in a stall I thought.)
ET: "Joe, whatever you have in front of you - a stick or a steering wheel - push it forward - you need to get airspeed over your wings!"
UA: "Are you sure?"
ET: "Yes Joe you need to push it forward... (pause)... What does your airspeed indicator read now?"
UA: "It's still zero."
(I thought, oh my god, Joe's plane was in a falling leaf spin. I couldn't help him. Joe was going to die. I did not know what to do. I looked to the senior controller. He said, "Ask him where his plane is.")
ET: "Joe, where is your plane?"
UA: "We are parked down at the end of the runway, the pilot got out when the engine quit and walked back to the hanger.."
ET: "Joe, get off the radio."
科利奇站机场的真实故事。
未知飞机：你好？
塔台：请讲
飞机：什么？
塔台：你是谁？
飞机：我是乔。
塔台：我是科利奇站塔台，你在什么方位？
飞机：我在飞机上啊!!!
塔台上的笔者看了一眼停着的飞机，没发现有谁在乱玩无线电。
塔台：飞行员呢？
飞机：引擎停转的时候他就出去了!!!
笔者脑海中浮现出一幅十分恐怖的景象。
塔台：你会看空速不，是多少？
飞机：零!!!
笔者想，这飞机已经深度失速了。
塔台：赶紧推杆，你需要空速来产生升力！
飞机：你确定？
塔台：是的乔你需要推杆！告诉我你现在空速是多少？
飞机：还是零!!!
笔者觉得这飞机已经自由落体了…
塔台：乔，你飞机在哪里？
飞机：就在跑道尽头这边啊，引擎停转后飞行员就出去去机库了!!！
塔台：乔，咱今天先聊到这儿吧…
9 地速----------------------------------------------------------------------
From AW (Mar 2010):
I met an SR-71 pilot a few years ago. (SR-71 was the USAAF advanced 'stealth' reconnaissance aircraft known as the Blackbird). He told me this story from his first flight with a new co-pilot: An SR-71 and crew were flying over Southern California when a bug smasher came on the airwaves in a dorky voice: Cessna 152: Ground Control, What's my airspeed? Ground Control: 100 at FL 100. A few moments later a cocky voice came on: Mooney M20: Ground Control, What's MY airspeed? Ground Control: 240 at FL 240. By this time the SR pilot was seething, but since communications were the duty of his new co-pilot, he remained silent. A few moments of radio silence passed, and in the calmest voice imaginable the co-pilot keyed in: SR-71: Ground Control, What's our airspeed? Ground Control: 1875 at FL 800. There were no more speed checks called in that afternoon, and the pilot knew that he had a cool partner in the back seat.
#注：原文写的是空速，似乎有误，暂作地速翻译。
塞斯纳：请问地速？
ATC：100节，空层100.
穆尼M20（猥琐地）：帮查下我的地速？
ATC：240节，空层240.
黑鸟：能看下我的地速吗？
ATC：1875节，空层800.
之后就再没有人问地速了。
10 空层---------------------------------------------------------------------
From Dennis Rainwater, October 2007 - I have a (well, almost) personal ATC/Pilot conversation I thought I'd share with you. I was a weather guy in the USAF during the late 80s-early 90s, and while I was stationed at RAF Woodbridge in England I often hung out with a controller in the tower cab just above our office. This fellow shared a story with me that he claimed happened to him personally. I can't vouch 100% for the authenticity of this tale, but the guy was generally believable... Also, a detail or two might be blurred by my own faulty memory over the past 15-20 years, but here it goes: My friend says he was training an ATC rookie - I think he said it was out at Nellis AFB. Anyway, one day this kid takes a call from an aircraft requesting clearance to FL 800 (80,000 feet)...
Rookie (dripping with sarcasm): "Okay, hotshot -- if you think you can take her that high, GO FOR IT!!"
Pilot of the SR-71 on the other end of the radio: "Roger Control; now DESCENDING from 100,000 feet to FL 800...."
新手ATC收到了这样的空层请求：
飞行员：请求空层800（80,000英尺）。
ATC（讽刺地）：批准，不过你打算怎么爬到80,000英尺啊？
飞行员：收到，现在从100,000英尺"降"到80,000英尺。
11 到处转转------------------------------------------------------------------
From Sue (July 2010):
I overheard this over the radio while on my cross-country flight today. I'm not giving the aircraft call-sign because the trainee is in enough trouble already..
Controller: I've got you on radar, state your intentions.
Pilot: Can I fly around in circles Sir?
Controller: Negative, you are in a busy airspace right now.
Pilot: Ok then, I'll fly around in straight lines.
ATC：雷达识别，请说明意图。
飞行员：我能开着飞机在附近转两圈吗？
ATC：不行，附近空域繁忙。
飞行员：哦，那我就在附近飞直线啦。
12 捉迷藏-------------------------------------------------------------------
From Chris, Jul 2009:
This happened at the small but busy Sarasota Florida airport in 1975. The tower was open from 6am until 10pm and most of the traffic was during daylight hours. There was a National flight in every night about 8:30pm and often had a joker at the wheel. On a particular dark night after handoff from Tampa approach the controller hears: "Sarasota tower, National123 with you... (pause) ... guess where?." The controller promptly turned off all the airport lights - there was no other traffic - and replied: "National123 - Sarasota tower - guess where?..." After a silence of about fifteen seconds the chastened National pilot came back: "Sarasota tower this is National Airlines flight 123 from Tampa and we are exactley 10.3 DME on the 300 degree radial inbound for landing.." The controller switched the lights back on and cleared the pilot to land.
佛罗里达萨拉索塔机场。机场不大，大部分航班在白天，
但晚间有国家航空的班机，而且飞行员经常是Adobe。
那天晚上国家航空123班机来了，鉴于没有其他任何飞机，
逗比飞行员决定开个玩笑：
“国家航空123听您指挥，哎（坏笑）您猜我在哪里？”
鉴于没有其他飞机，塔台决定也开个玩笑。
塔台ATC关掉了全部跑道灯，回复道：
“萨拉索塔机场，猜猜我在哪里？”
15秒后国家航空123终于挺不住了：
“国家航空123我在…方位…距离”
于是塔台重启了照明，准许其降落。
13 狗-----------------------------------------------------------------------
And another from Rich - This is one actually happened on my watch. Brand new trainee in the facility at a base in North Dakota. He is scanning the runway with binoculars and tells the local controller that he has a 'dog' on the runway. The local controller tells a B-52 on final, "Go around. Dog on runway." I told the trainee that he might want to let me know what the breed of the dog was, since I had never seen a dog with antlers. The 'dog' was a 2000 lb, bull moose. This guy still takes flak over that one, even though he deserved a save for catching it before the rest of us did.
新手ATC在望远镜中发现了跑道上有一只“狗”。其他ATC很感谢他的发现并告知进场B52复飞以免相撞。
只是那只狗重达2000磅，还长着鹿角。
14 降落顺位------------------------------------------------------------------
"Mumbai, what number am I in the landing sequence?"
"By the time you land, sir, you will be number one."
孟买，请问我在降落序列第几顺位？
到你的时候你就是第一顺位了。
15 降落顺位2-----------------------------------------------------------------
A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
某战机飞行员的单引擎战机有些超负荷运转，请求优先降落。
ATC将他排在了一架单引擎失效的B52后面...
16 数显手表------------------------------------------------------------------
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
塔台：Delta 351，10点钟方向有飞机，距离6英里。
Delta 351: 能换种说法么，我戴的是数显的手表。
17 噪音管制------------------------------------------------------------------
"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
ATC：TWA 2341，为降噪右转45度。
TWA2341：中心，我们在35,000英尺呢，不会有多大噪音吧？
ATC：我认为747撞上727发出的噪音在地上还是能听见的。
18 小鸟---------------------------------------------------------------------
Control tower to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
塔台致747：美航329重型，附近1点钟方向，3英里，Fokker飞机，向东飞行。
美航329：近进，我想说这句话好久了——我看见那个小Fokker (F**ker)了。
19 地面引导------------------------------------------------------------------
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
某DC10进场过快，几乎用尽了跑道。
圣何塞塔台：美航751，在跑道尽头右急转；
如果不行，请上101高速并在瓜达洛普出口下高速，在红绿灯处右转回机场。
20 历史原因------------------------------------------------------------------
Allegedly, a Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."
汉莎（德语）：地面，我们何时能启动引擎？
地面（英语）：如果想得到批准请讲英语。
汉莎（英语）：我是德国人，开德国飞机，在德国飞，为什么非要讲英语？
某飞（优美的英音）：因为你们二战打输哦~
(╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻
21 历史原因2-----------------------------------------------------------------
Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,... and I didn't land."
英航206（B747）在机场迷路。
粗暴无礼的塔台：你难道没来过（德国）法兰克福吗？
英航206：来过两次，是在1944年的时候，不过当时漆黑一片，我也没降落。
22 物尽其用------------------------------------------------------------------
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
塔台：东方702，准许起飞，联系离场124.7
东方702：塔台，东方702调至离场。另外，我们在跑道尽头看见了某种动物尸体。
塔台：大陆635，准许在东方702后起飞，听见刚才东方702的报告了吗？
大陆635：大陆635准许起飞，我听到了，我已通知我们的餐饮部门（去捡原材料）。
23 物尽其用2----------------------------------------------------------------
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough for another one."
一架派珀切诺基180被要求在跑道外等待DC8着陆。
DC8着陆，掉头从派珀前经过。
DC8机组：小飞机好呆萌哦，是你自己造的吗？
派珀机组：是啊，我自己用DC8零件拼出来的。
而且你知道不，你再像刚才那样降落一次，我就又能造一架了。
24 歇斯底里的管制-------------------------------------------------------------
Allegedly, while taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" US Air 2771: "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
美航2771在伦敦盖特威克机场迷路并造成不小的混乱。
粗暴无礼的女地面管制：美航2771，我就不明白了，你怎么就能迷路呢？
你爸妈没教过你….你老师没告诉你...你这些年都怎么学的…你怎么当上的飞行员...
频道里一片寂静，所有飞行员都被震慑住了。
这时，某飞说了一句：
宝贝，我之前娶过你，不是吗？
Tower: \"Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o\'clock, 6 miles!\"
Delta 351: \"Give us another hint! We have digital watches!\"
塔台：达美351，在你10点钟方向6英里的位置有其他飞机
达美351：多给点信息，我们用的是电子表。。。
\"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.\"
\"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?\"
\"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?\"
\"TWA 2341，由于噪音控制，请向右转45度“
”中心，我们在35000英尺高度，在这个高度我么能制造多少噪音？“
”先生，你知道一架747撞上727可以制造多少噪音吗？“
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: \"I\'m f...ing bored!\"
Ground Traffic Control: \"Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!\"
Unknown aircraft: \"I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!\"
一架无名航班在排队等待起飞，队非常的长，他说：我他妈无聊死了！“
地面管制：最后一个通话的，立即确认你的身份。”
无名航班：我说的是我他妈无聊死了，不是我是傻逼。“（大概是这么个意思吧，没有Get笑点）
Control tower to a 747: \"United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o\'clock, three miles, Eastbound.\"
United 239: \"Approach, I\'ve always wanted to say this... I\'ve got the little Fokker in sight.\"
塔台对747说：美联航329号，在你的1点钟方向三英里处有一架福克飞机，向东方向。
美联航239：收到，我一直想说我看到了一个小福克。。。。（同没懂）
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower noted: \"American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport.\"
一架DC-10变得有些热并且在落地后要滑行很远的距离。圣何塞塔台说道：美航751，如果可以，在跑道尽头右转。如果不可以，在Guadalupe出口离开101公路，看见红绿灯后右转回到机场。” （第一句翻译的可能不对）
A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running \"a bit peaked.\" Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. \"Ah,\" the fighter pilot remarked, \"The dreaded seven-engine approach.\"
一个军方飞行员向塔台请求优先降落，因为他的单引擎飞机发动机运转的不太好。ATC告诉他，他是第二个降落，前面是一架一个引擎失效的B52。飞行员说道：额，他他妈可是还有7个引擎啊！混蛋(°∀°)ﾉ
Allegedly, a Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): \\\\\\\"Ground, what is our start clearance time?\\\\\\\"
Ground (in English): \\\\\\\"If you want an answer you must speak in English.\\\\\\\"
Lufthansa (in English): \\\\\\\"I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?\\\\\\\"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): \\\\\\\"Because you lost the bloody war.\\\\\\\"
一架泛美航空727在慕尼黑等待起飞许可的时候听到了这么一段对话
汉莎（德语）：塔台，什么时候使我们的起飞时间？
塔台（英语）：如果想知道答案，你要说英语
汉莎（英语）我是个德国人，飞着德国的航班，在德国机场，为什么要说英语？？？？？
突然从其他飞机飘来一个声音（标准的英国口音）：因为你们输了二战
Tower: \\\\\\\"Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7\\\\\\\"
Eastern 702: \\\\\\\"Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.\\\\\\\"
Tower: \\\\\\\"Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?\\\\\\\"
Continental 635: \\\\\\\"Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we\\\\\\\'ve already notified our caterers.\\\\\\\"
塔台：东方航空702，可以起飞，请联系离场，频率124.7
东方航空702：塔台，正在切换到离场台，顺便说一句，我们看到一些动物的尸体在跑道尽头
塔台：大陆航空635，可以起飞，请联系离场，频率124.7，您们听到东方航空702的报告了吗？
大陆航空635：大陆航空635，可以起飞，收到。(⊙v⊙)嗯。。。是的，我们听到了东方航空的报告。。。我们已经通知了我们的厨师
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, \\\\\\\"What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?\\\\\\\" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: \\\\\\\"I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I\\\\\\\'ll have enough for another one.\\\\\\\"
一天，一架Cherokee 180（单引擎螺旋桨飞机）被塔台通知他需要等待一架DC-8降落。DC-8降落，离开跑道，滑行的时候经过了Cherokee。DC-8的飞行员透过无线电说道：“多么可爱的小飞机，你自己一个人制造的？”是可忍孰不可忍，Cherokee的飞行员回应道：我用另一个像你一样降落的DC-8的残骸做得。而且我还有富余的材料去做另一个。
Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206:\"Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly):"Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,... and I didn't land."
法兰克福机场的德国空管以他们的坏脾气而著名。因此，你需要知道如何在不需要任何帮助的情况下到达你的停机口。我们（泛美747）听到了法兰克福的空管和一架英航747（代号speedbird 206）之间的对话。
英航206：法兰克福，我们已经降落。
塔台：英航206，滑行道A17口。英航747沿着主滑行道慢慢减速直到停下。
塔台：英航206，你是不是不知道你该去哪？
英航：恩恩，我正在找我们的停机口的位置
塔台（有些傲慢，急躁）：英航206，你是不是从来没来过法兰克福？
英航（冷静地）：1944年我来过两次，当时很黑并且我没有降落。。。
Allegedly, while taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it‘s difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771？" US Air 2771: "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
在伦敦盖特威克机场，一架从劳德代尔堡飞来的全美航空飞机在滑行的时候转错弯了，导致他与一架美联航的727面对面。生气的女地面管制训斥全美的飞行员：“全美2771，你们他妈干嘛呢？我让你在C滑行道右转！你在D转的！停在那里，我知道让你说出C和D的区别很难，但你应该知道的！”她的愤怒还在持续，歇斯底里的大喊：“天啊噜！你现在把一切都搞砸了！把这个烂摊子理清楚需要很长时间！你现在就在那里呆着，不要动，直到我告诉你该动的时候才能动！滑行指示大概会在半个小时后告诉你。到时候我希望你能按着指示在正确的时间，正确的地点做正确的事。全美2771，你明白吗？”尴尬的飞行员回答道：“好的。”地面联系频道陷入了一片寂静，没人想在这时候触愤怒的女管制员的霉头。气氛变得十分诡异。这时候，一个飞行员突然打破了平静，问道：“你不会是我前妻吧？”
@纯洁的小y 多谢翻译~看起来刚才我们翻译的部分有些重叠，或许你可以从以下段落开始向下翻译，我试着从后向前翻译。我会把翻译整理后更新到主贴~
”
From P de Bromhead, Dec 2009:
My late father, who was on Fleet Air Arm Buccaneers, told this story involving a pilot operating on an exchange arrangement from an overseas developing country. My dad was sat waiting for take-off clearance when he heard the exchange pilot, somewhere, request a 'bearing' from the ATC (air traffic controller). This was duly given and after a few minutes a second 'bearing' was requested. This was the same as the first and after a third and identical 'bearing' was requested and given, the ATC asked the exchange pilot if he had any visual references. The pilot replied that he had a haystack to his starboard side, at which point it transpired that he was lost on the taxi-way.
From S Smith, Nov 2009:
I was working local control for the runway 25's at LAX one afternoon and a pilot reported a 'flock of seagulls' on final approach. Without hesitation, I replied, "Was that the band or the birds?" I got absolutely no response from the pilot... I guess not everyone has a sense of humor!
“
@usernamejim ok，明天有时间我继续翻译
3 机智的机长：
据称E-190的飞行员确认自己在中线的位置的办法是左座和右座分别用蛋蛋对着中线。。。
@beining ‘用蛋蛋对着中线’这是肿么做到的...在中座这么干似乎更靠谱
@usernamejim 左座用右边 右座用左边 就对正了。。